Car Seat Confidence with Michelle Pratt from Safe in the Seat
Before we dive in: this episode includes discussion of severe car accident injuries. Please take care while listening.
Disclaimer: This transcript was generated with the help of AI and may contain minor errors or inconsistencies. Please refer to the audio for the most accurate representation of the conversation.
[00:00:00] Alyssa: You're listening to Voices of Your Village, and today I got to chat about Car Seat Confidence with Michelle Pratt from Safe in the Seat. I have followed Michelle for so long and she has been so helpful for me in my journey as a parent. Safe in the Seat is every overwhelmed and anxious parents' go-to resource for Car Seat Safety. As a mom and nationally certified child passenger safety technician, Michelle's judgment-free approach is helping her turn car seat confusion into straight up confidence, and I am here for it.
[00:00:33] They have a free car seat finder tool, which is incredible, online courses, helpful videos, personalized consults, and daily doses of safety tips and tricks over on the 'gram. I find this such an impactful conversation to have because it is truly life saving, and I had some incredible humans in my life who had tough conversations with me along the way of what car seat safety really looks like that I'm so grateful for now, because I feel very confident with my child's safety in the car, in a space where we know accidents happen every day. I'm so stoked for y'all to have access to this convo and to hopefully get some of those questions answered. Like, when do we turn them around?
[00:01:22] When do we switch to what seat, what matters and what doesn't. All right, folks. Let's dive in.
[00:01:32] Hey there. I'm Alyssa Blask Campbell. I'm a mom with a master's degree in early childhood education and co-creator of the Collaborative Emotion Processing Method. I'm here to walk alongside you through the messy, vulnerable parts of being humans, raising other humans with deep thoughts and actionable tips.
[00:01:49] Let's dive in together.
[00:01:55] How many kids do you have and what are their ages?
[00:01:57] Michelle: I have two kids. Um, my son is 11, almost 12, which I can't believe. Three, and my daughter just turned nine.
[00:02:05] Alyssa: Oh my gosh. Fun. I'm actually publishing a next book is Big Kids, bigger Feelings. It's like the five to 12-year-old range. I'll send you a copy. Yep.
[00:02:13] It's, it's that age range that, I'm just talking to Rach, my co-author about this. I feel like we hear a lot about the early years and it's so physically taxing, right? You're caring kids around, you might be feeding them, you're growing and birthing them perhaps. You know, like it's so physical and you're not sleeping.
[00:02:31] All that jazz. And then the emotions of the teenagers and that like you're gonna hit these teenagers is so emotional and so emotionally exhausting. And I feel like the middle childhood years are just left off the table and we're like, oh yeah, there's this magical blissful time where things are easy and it's just not true.
[00:02:50] Yeah, not true. And then people get there and they're like, wait, what? I thought I was gonna coast for a little bit.
[00:02:58] Michelle: Oh man. I totally feel that there's so much support around the early years. And then you, you do, you get to that 5, 6, 7. I mean, even my daughter at nine. Whew. We're dealing with some
[00:03:11] Alyssa: up and downs.
[00:03:12] A hundred percent. We, after I published Tiny Humans, we kept hearing from folks who were like, okay, but what do I do with my 9-year-old who's a teenager question mark? Like, what? And it really like the responses from tiny humans is what led into big kids. That's awesome. But, uh, yeah. It's, it's the, it's the forgotten times where there's not a lot of support.
[00:03:36] Cheers. Cheers to navigating it, man.
[00:03:38] Michelle: Yeah, exactly. It's a, it's a, it's a whirlwind. Never know what you're gonna get. Never know
[00:03:44] Alyssa: what
[00:03:44] Michelle: you're
[00:03:44] Alyssa: gonna
[00:03:44] Michelle: get.
[00:03:45] Alyssa: Uh, I went through a span. I'm one of five kids. I have four brothers. I went through a span where when I'd get up in the morning, my dad would just ask my mom like, can I talk to her this morning?
[00:03:55] Like, is that, am I allowed to speak to her this morning? Probably the answer is usually no. Correct. Not in your best interest really. Uh, what had you, what brought you into safe in the seat and, and kind of led to the creation of that?
[00:04:12] Michelle: I, I'd say it was kind of two part, so one was just out of necessity. I, um, that's probably the second part of it really, is turning it into something that was going to be like a viable business to support my family when I was getting divorce.
[00:04:27] Um, but really initially I was staying at home with both my kids at the time after working very full-time. And that was a tough transition for me. Uh, and one I wanted to transition back out of when I could. Yeah. And so I started safe in the seat. Really because I didn't know what I was doing. And when I had my son, that was very evident that I didn't know what I was doing.
[00:04:52] And then when a, you know, a friend, actually our newborn photographer let me know that I didn't know what I was doing in the kindest sway. Um, you mean like
[00:05:00] Alyssa: in parenthood in life or in car seat world?
[00:05:03] Michelle: All of it basically. But in this case, I'm referring specifically to the use of and buckling in Right, right.
[00:05:12] Tiny newborn baby. And I think for me, it took me aback a little bit because it's like, I, I'm relatively smart. I totally have a lot of friends. I can Google things. Sure. And I didn't put the timer energy into it because I didn't know I needed to. I thought I was just gonna like, either come naturally by some weird reason or somebody was gonna show me at the hospital how to do these things.
[00:05:36] Alyssa: Totally.
[00:05:37] Michelle: Um, and then I, you know, I realized other people felt the same. Other people had the same. Worry. I wasn't alone in that. And I felt some shame about it at first. Sure. Because I was like, maybe I'm the only one that didn't, didn't know about this or didn't do this. Or I, maybe I'm not a good mom already from the start.
[00:05:51] I'm not buckling my kid correctly. Sure. You know, just all of that. And then as, as I talked to more of my friends, it became something that I felt like I could form into a community of just helping moms feel empowered to keep their kids safe and know what they need to know when they would have no other way of knowing.
[00:06:10] They need to know it.
[00:06:11] Alyssa: That's it is like, I think that so many humans are like, yeah, I'm sure I'm doing this right. Because it's something that we aren't explicitly taught that isn't, honestly, until platforms like yours arose where you could come across an Instagram post, it's like, here's how we do this.
[00:06:31] Yeah. And there wasn't big discussion about it or awareness around it. Which is bonkers because we know statistically speaking, being in a car is not inherently safe. In fact, that child's safer flying than being in a car. And so having appropriate car seat safety is wildly important.
[00:06:50] Michelle: It's, it's super important.
[00:06:52] And I think one of the things we even just still struggle with just in our communications and just as a business, is getting people to understand that they likely are doing something wrong without also scaring the crap out of them because Totally. We try to be very emotionally intelligent about how we share information, knowing that people are doing the best that they possibly can, knowing that their intent is to absolutely keep their kids safe, and bringing awareness to areas where we could improve things.
[00:07:22] Totally. So it's, it's kind of a tricky balance because most people think they are doing it right. Yeah. And it's one of those where it's like,
[00:07:28] Alyssa: of
[00:07:28] Michelle: course I wanna
[00:07:29] Alyssa: do it right, of course. But you can only do it, right if you know if you have the information and access the information. Right. I had a friend early on, I had posted a picture of my niece and nephew who are twins, and we were leaving, I had just like spent the day with them and we were leaving the Syracuse Zoo and headed back to their house and one of them had fallen asleep in the car seat, just like so cute.
[00:07:52] And I shared this picture of them and she reached out to me and she was like, love that you got to hang out with them. So precious. I just wanted to share some like feedback on the car seat and here's why, and I received it. Like so grateful. Like I was like, oh my gosh, thank you. Like I didn't know that.
[00:08:11] And it was like chest clip and what a strap had been like twisted and I was like 12 years old, I don't know, 24 or something like that. Right. And so also like just very new in this world of being an adult, don't have a fully developed prefrontal cortex. And was like, awesome, rad. And I like filed that away and then fast forward to like then as seed was, was growing and then eventually to having my own kids.
[00:08:40] It has become one of those issues. That is probably the one of the things I care the most about in that. When I think about, we talk about this a lot at seed, that uh, we're gonna send our kids off to teachers, to grandparents, to other humans where they're not gonna be responded to the exact way that we do it.
[00:09:00] And I think there's a lot about that. That's really great. What I feel like is really important is to dial down on what are our hard nos. What are those really strong, hard nos and values? You're like, this is a non-negotiable. Like for us, one of them is spanking or like hitting our child. It's just a non-negotiable.
[00:09:17] If that's gonna happen, I'm not gonna have my child in your presence. Another one is car seat safety for me, that unless we have installed the car seat in your car and we have shown you exactly how to buckle them in, I'm not putting 'em in your car. Yep. And I think that I've only gotten to this place because of humans like you sharing how vital and important it is.
[00:09:38] So first of all, thank you for doing this and. Can you share like what is, why do those details matter? Why does it matter if the strap is twisted or the chest clip is where it is? Or if your kid's rear facing versus forward facing? Why does it matter?
[00:09:54] Michelle: I mean, I think if we look at a broader picture, to your point of riding a car is one of the most dangerous things any of us do, and vehicles are equipped to handle adult passengers.
[00:10:05] And so there's a ton of safety mechanisms, systems in place, sensors, all of it to best protect adults and especially best protect adults. Now even more in the front seat though backseat is, is catching up. We have to retrofit these vehicles to carry our most vulnerable passengers and that's how I've kind of think about it.
[00:10:24] It's like we're taking this other item and we're retrofitting it into a vehicle to then be able to transport. The most fragile of bodies safely knowing that we're going into the danger zone anytime we turn the car on and just back out of our driveway. Right? So car seat safety is, there's like safe, safer, safest, right?
[00:10:45] In general, car seats are extremely safe just as they are and I'd probably get in huge trouble by the tech community if I said this, but that's what I do is say it anyways. And that is just by having a car seat, at least buckling, having it installed and buckling your kit in is going to be better than doing nothing at all because these car seats go through incredibly rigorous testing.
[00:11:04] That said, but still, I wouldn't put in the safe category. I would say like that's bare minimum. The more things that we get, right, the more pieces of the recipe that are done to perfection, the greater the likelihood is of less injury, survival, all of those scary things. And it's, it's a bit of an unknown because.
[00:11:25] Every single crash test scenario is not tested, right? Mm-hmm. We can't, our car seats would cost a million dollars if we were able to test every single scenario, we still wouldn't hit them all because what happens out in, in the field is what happens out in the field. So that to me is another reason that these little things matter a lot because we're only testing to 35 miles an hour.
[00:11:46] That's what, that's what we're testing to. And Wow. It's called a sled test and we drive faster than 35 miles an hour.
[00:11:55] Alyssa: Correct.
[00:11:56] Michelle: Otherwise, we would
[00:11:57] Alyssa: never get anywhere. Yeah.
[00:11:58] Michelle: Right. Else might as well walk. So things like twisted straps where crash forces could concentrate, or a low chest clip where a child could eject from the car seat.
[00:12:09] Or a loose installation where the movement could be so great that either something could become unattached or just your child inside of it. Could be moving more than they should. A loose harness, same thing. You got a loose harness and a loose installation. We got a double whammy there of things that, of, of movement of that child.
[00:12:27] And so the fear
[00:12:28] Alyssa: being they could be ejected or they're, or that they could just be pretty severely injured because they would be moving around more than they should.
[00:12:37] Michelle: Both. Okay. And also it depends on the age of the child, right? Sure. A bigger kid that moves a little bit more, that has, you know, full neck control and more bone development mm-hmm.
[00:12:46] Mm-hmm. Is gonna be able to handle a little bit more movement. Better than if you have a newborn in the car. Sure. And you have a loose installation and a loose harness and a low chest clip. It's a recipe for disaster if you're in a crash.
[00:12:56] Alyssa: Sure.
[00:12:57] Michelle: Things are all that are all controllable. And I think that's like such a huge part of what we try to lean on at safe in the seat is we don't want to scare you, we want to empower you.
[00:13:06] Yeah. '
[00:13:06] Alyssa: cause
[00:13:07] Michelle: we can't control how other people drive. You know, we, we can't, so we can control what we do in our, in our cars and in the cars that we allow our children to ride in, like you said.
[00:13:18] Alyssa: Yeah. Okay. Rhet. So now I feel like there's been, and maybe it's just like my kids are in this age range, but there's such a discussion around like car seats and car seat safety and where's the harness in the chest clip in rear facing, I, I shared this recently in a presentation, but I was looking at like old pictures of myself at my parents' house and there's a picture of me and the, I'm gonna put car seat in quotes there because it was like a bucket with straps.
[00:13:44] And now I look at my 4-year-old is gonna be like rear facing till he is 18 and all that. Right. Like it's just he's in a fortress and we've come such a long way. Yeah. In terms of car seats and car seat safety and knowledge for these younger ages, I still feel like there's not a big discussion around when do they leave a car seat forward facing.
[00:14:08] Do they use a booster? Why do they use a booster until, when do they use a booster? What does it look like to sit in the front seat? Uh, what are the dangers of that? Why is that sort of discussion of just like the when and the why? So I'd love to lean into that a little bit here too, like. Say your kid is forward facing now.
[00:14:27] At what point
[00:14:28] Michelle: are they not in a car seat? Well, it's honestly, it's funny and nice to hear you talk about that stuff. 'cause we're developing a resource right now. Oh perfect. For people to have the complete roadmap and to just understand the what and the why. And you can go as deep in it as you want or you can be as surface level as you want.
[00:14:44] Because the, one of the number one things about car seat safety is that people are moving to the next stage too soon and they're stopping use way too soon.
[00:14:54] Alyssa: Mm-hmm.
[00:14:55] Michelle: And so we put all this time and energy much like, you know, where your focus is. We have this early intervention, but where, where do we do in the middle?
[00:15:02] And that's very, very true for car seat safety as well. This five to 12-year-old range where. We're just like, we wanna be, we want this bulky thing out of our car. My kids are now going with friends. Some they wanna unbuckle unbuckle themselves. Yes. I'm sick of doing this for a million rides a day for the last X number of years.
[00:15:20] Like, let's just move this along. I wanna be, yeah. I wanna be done with it. And I understand that. I obviously have two kids that totally not thrilled that you know, they are in boosters. Yeah, sure. I think they're, I mean, in general, as you look at the whole sort of continuum of car seat safety, for me, it goes back to that we're retrofitting a vehicle to fit a child sized body.
[00:15:43] Mm-hmm. And that child sized body is still a child sized body. When they are 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, they're still, and even if, like my son is a big kid
[00:15:54] Alyssa: mm-hmm.
[00:15:55] Michelle: And all of his friends, right. He's almost 12. All of his friends ride in the front seat. And I'm the most terrible parent because I would not possibly let him or any of his friends do that in my car.
[00:16:04] And the fact is, even though he is big on the outside, it doesn't mean that he's fully developed on the inside. Uh huh. I think that's something that is just a really common misconception because you hear, well, they're so big, or their legs are so long, like when they're rear facing and we look at these outside.
[00:16:20] Body parts to decide sometimes what needs to come next. And that's just not the right metric to be, to be looking at, to decide.
[00:16:27] Alyssa: Okay, so help me break this down then when they are forward facing Yeah. When are they moving out of a car seat? There's an end in sight, right? Like I'm not gonna have a car seat in my car
[00:16:39] Michelle: when there's, there is a point where, where statistically and based on the research that sometimes this way can be as safe as this way.
[00:16:47] Okay. You know, rear facing, forward facing, we get to usually around age four and we don't see a ton of difference.
[00:16:54] Alyssa: Yeah. He just turned forward facing actually pretty recently. Yes.
[00:16:57] Michelle: Yeah. And also your sanity, like the longer you can keep a rear facing, the less they're up in your business. I tell people that all the time, like just for nothing else, just trust me.
[00:17:07] It's way better when they're not co constantly staring at you and throwing crap at you and watching what you're eating. Mom, do you see that red light mom? What's that thing over there, mom? Do you notice that
[00:17:15] Alyssa: like, bless. I
[00:17:17] Michelle: mean my, like I said, my son is almost 12 and both of my kids are, are still asking me to look at things in fact, and I'm like, when does it stop?
[00:17:27] Like you guys, you, I've said the same sentence to you for almost 12 years, which is, I'm driving, I can't look at that right now. And they're like, but how about now? How about when I'm 12? Yeah. What about you? Look at now because I'm a day older. Does it?
[00:17:43] Alyssa: Oh, it's so good. Okay, so Sage, who just turned, I have Mila and Sage Mila's, 17 months and uh, or somewhere around there.
[00:17:51] And she is rear facing Sage. Just turned four recently forward facing. What's his trajectory then?
[00:17:59] Michelle: Yeah, so he'll, our preference, our best practice preference is that he would stay in that forward facing, harnessed car seat until he outgrows it.
[00:18:07] Alyssa: Okay.
[00:18:07] Michelle: Because there isn't another harness stage after that.
[00:18:10] There's like one seat on the market that has a little bit higher limits, but
[00:18:14] Alyssa: yeah. Harness being like something in addition that's gonna go like over his shoulders. Harnessing
[00:18:19] Michelle: like a rollercoaster
[00:18:20] Alyssa: ride
[00:18:21] Michelle: y Yes. Harness being the full five point. Yeah. Okay. You're going skydiving. You are, you are secure in that, in that seat.
[00:18:28] So kind of what you start with is a harness all the way up. Through rear facing. Yep. Toddler stage, forward facing, staying in that harness until you reach the limits of that seat in forward facing mode. Perfect. Some of those seats then go onto like high back booster and sometimes that's it. And you have to get a high back booster and that's the next stage.
[00:18:47] So you're gonna see high back booster. We never recommend a kid using a booster, which is now you're switching to the adult seatbelt.
[00:18:54] Alyssa: Yes. Okay.
[00:18:55] Michelle: Yep. There's no more harness. The harness is gone and that's a huge baton like passing Yeah. As well. Because you, the parent, the caregiver controls the harness.
[00:19:07] Mm-hmm. Yes. I know. Kids unbuckle or they try to loosen, that's a whole other set of issues, but we control the safety when you switch to an adult seatbelt, just like you and I can move around real easily in that thing. Sure. So can our kids. And so we never recommend before five years old to put them in a booster unless we have some very extenuating circumstance.
[00:19:26] If a child doesn't fit in a Sure. Whatever we, we have, you know, it's a major exception to the rule, but even at five, you're asking a 5-year-old to not move around. Yeah. Have you met
[00:19:36] Alyssa: my 4-year-old? There's no way at five you're not moving around.
[00:19:39] Michelle: Yeah, I don't, I've never met a kid yet. That is like totally cool.
[00:19:42] I'm gonna sit here like a soldier, the whole ride. So that's why we'd like people to outgrow that forward facing harness because then you don't, I think sometimes people don't realize the next stage doesn't necessarily get easier. It might be less bulk in your car, but even when people go from a forward facing harness to a high back booster.
[00:20:03] Your kid is trying to buckle. You want me to tell you how much that slows you down like a harness? At this point you're, you're like zip hundred percent. You switch them to a high back booster and now either you're having to lean over and get them buckled in.
[00:20:17] Alyssa: Sure. So a high back being like, not just it's under their butt, but like it's going up behind them.
[00:20:23] Is it because again, their body just isn't made to like fill that gap or that space?
[00:20:28] Michelle: It's, I mean, you could just have a a no back booster and it's still boosting them up to get the seatbelt positioned properly. And that's really what a booster is doing. Wanna raise your butt because you're shorter. Sure.
[00:20:40] And the adult seatbelt is building in the car doesn't fit you yet, so we need it to fit you properly to actually save your life.
[00:20:45] Alyssa: Yeah. It's like the new phone book, right? Like I don't know if you grew up sitting on the phone book at dinner, but that's how grew up.
[00:20:51] Michelle: That's right. Yeah. When you needed to be able to get That's right.
[00:20:55] Yeah. So the high back booster gives you a little bit more support. It's a really good training tool, essentially for the Novak booster because it's a very big transition for a kid just in how they're feeling in the seat to go over being harness in to now I can like move my body around. That
[00:21:12] Alyssa: makes sense from like a sensory perspective.
[00:21:14] Michelle: Yeah. Sensory perspective, I think it's very helpful. Um, it also, if you have kids that fall asleep a lot in the car mm-hmm. High back booster is always gonna be recommended because we don't want them flopping to the side maturity as well. You know, we've got young kids and no back boosters and they are putting seatbelt behind their back and they are laying down and mm-hmm.
[00:21:36] You know, those are not advisable ways to ride. Sure, sure,
[00:21:39] Alyssa: sure. In the car to keep you safest.
[00:21:42] Michelle: Yeah. And so I, I like it as a, you know, it's just a stop. It's a stop in the road if you will. Totally. That continues to train you and get you used to how to sit properly. Um, what you can and cannot do still gives the caregiver a little bit of control knowing they're not gonna be able to flop over sideways in the back or Totally.
[00:22:02] Yeah.
[00:22:02] Alyssa: And so they grow out of sages in a doo I think it's called. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And so when he grows out of his doo, it then I'm assuming, can evolve into a high back booster, hopefully. Fingers crossed. It
[00:22:15] Michelle: depends on which seat you have. Okay. But a lot, a lot of parents then switch to a high back booster.
[00:22:22] Yeah. Or a high back booster to booster combo.
[00:22:25] Alyssa: Yep. Great.
[00:22:27] Michelle: They're usually lower profile than the like convertible seats that the all in one type seats. So they're a little lower profile. 'cause your kids are, are bigger.
[00:22:35] Alyssa: Yeah.
[00:22:35] Michelle: Uh, and they serve a different function in the sense of using a seatbelt. And then when do you lose
[00:22:40] Alyssa: the booster?
[00:22:41] Michelle: So you lose the booster a lot later than you want to? More, more like, more than, than your kids wanna. Sure.
[00:22:48] Alyssa: I'm okay with them being mad at me for their safety. I,
[00:22:51] Michelle: this is one, you know, talk about your non-negotiables and I'm like, this is just one I, you don't have
[00:22:55] Alyssa: to like this boundary. This just is what it's, yeah, it just
[00:22:58] Michelle: is what it's, yeah.
[00:22:59] So the adult seatbelt doesn't typically fit a child until they're 10 to 12 years old. And I have kids that are in the like 98th percentile. Sure. And my son fits in some cars without, without any help booster help or in some seating positions. Because that's the other thing, like based on where you're seating sometimes that, so he has a certain seating position in my car that the belt fits properly.
[00:23:22] If he goes to the back row, it does not, that's not an option. Uhhuh, my daughter is still very much in a booster and will stay in it until she passes. As Jake did in some situations, the five step test. And so it's literally these five things that we are looking for. And you have to meet all of them, not some of them not.
[00:23:39] Can you hit us with 'em? Yeah. So you have to be able to sit properly. Sure. It's always a good one. Sure. We want your knees to bend at the edge of the seat. Mm-hmm. And preferably your feet to hit the ground. That sometimes, depending on just body style, that sure is or is not possible, we wanna make sure you can sit all the way back.
[00:23:59] Yeah. So no slouching. And that usually helps with the knee situation, right? If your knees don't bend at the edge of the seat, you're going to slouch down to get them to bend. Mm-hmm. Makes sense. But parents, why would you think of that? You know? Sure. Totally. So we, to be, um, seated all the way back, we want the shoulder belt to be like going directly across sort of in between Their chest.
[00:24:18] Their chest. Yeah. And then we want the lap belt to be sitting on their, on like the top of their hips, not up on that, on the stomach.
[00:24:26] Alyssa: Okay. Okay. Yeah.
[00:24:28] Michelle: Yeah. So, and then there has to be a headrest behind them too. I'll just say that. Just for,
[00:24:32] Alyssa: yeah.
[00:24:32] Michelle: And anywhere someone puts a booster, there has to a no back booster.
[00:24:35] There has to be a headrest behind them as well. Okay. Um, so you're looking for all those things to be happening at the same time. And some kids just, even if they meet some of them maturity-wise, they may not be ready or they might meet all of them, but that seatbelt just still isn't, it's, it's coming straight across their neck instead of being down, you know, across their chest.
[00:24:57] Alyssa: Totally.
[00:24:58] Michelle: And I think if we, if we all take a minute and back up and look at it, it's like if you see a child sitting in a booster, in a middle seat with no headrest, the thing coming across their body, the, the thing, the seatbelt,
[00:25:10] Alyssa: you have the thing, that thing we got you. And
[00:25:12] Michelle: then coming, you know, going across their stomach, if we'd all just take a second and look at that image, it's like, alright, I can see where that could be problematic in a crash.
[00:25:21] Sure, sure, sure. It's gonna do a lot more harm than it is. Good.
[00:25:25] Alyssa: Totally.
[00:25:26] Michelle: If this child sustains crash forces. So we just don't take the time to do that a lot.
[00:25:32] Alyssa: Totally. And I'm imagining like internal bleeding, internal injuries type thing is what you're looking at there. We're like, even if they're not ejected.
[00:25:40] Oh
[00:25:41] Michelle: yeah, it's hundred percent. It's gonna
[00:25:42] Alyssa: squish you right in there. Okay.
[00:25:44] Michelle: Yeah. All
[00:25:44] Alyssa: right. And so now you've got this 11-year-old, you said? Yeah. So he is in a booster. When does he get to go to the front seat?
[00:25:56] Michelle: Yeah, he's in a booster some of the time, just so I'm sure. Sure, sure, sure. I'm honest with the, when he needs to be in a booster, he is in a booster.
[00:26:02] He is getting real close to not needing them in any situation. But like I said, seating positions and cars are different. You have to, yeah. That's interesting. Well, he would like to be in the front seat, you know, two years ago. Sure. Because he's, of course, I'm the worst mom. I'm the, I'm the only mom that doesn't let kids, of course.
[00:26:16] Yeah,
[00:26:17] Alyssa: totally.
[00:26:18] Michelle: 13 is really the, the age that most things don't go off of age and car seat safety, but just based on. The research and what vehicle manufacturers have tested Uhhuh. That seems to be kind of the sweet spot of when to put them in the front seat.
[00:26:34] Alyssa: Okay.
[00:26:35] Michelle: Even will say it on your visor, a lot of times, like you know this, that this front seat is not intended for kids that are 12 or under,
[00:26:43] Alyssa: and it's a combo of like, it's mostly size.
[00:26:45] I'm imagining that they just haven't tested.
[00:26:48] Michelle: It's really being able to withstand Air Force. Oh,
[00:26:51] Alyssa: okay.
[00:26:51] Michelle: The crash forces of the airbag.
[00:26:54] Alyssa: Sure, sure, sure.
[00:26:54] Michelle: That's a big part of it. So, and you know, for some families. I'm a realist too, as much as I am a safety advocate. Awesome. And we have some families that not having your 12-year-old in the front seat is just not an option.
[00:27:08] A hundred
[00:27:08] Alyssa: percent
[00:27:09] Michelle: seats in the back are taken. Or we have to decide, you know, we're, we're transporting other families and their younger kids and somebody's gotta sit in the front seat.
[00:27:18] Alyssa: Totally.
[00:27:19] Michelle: So when I tell people all the time, if they are in that situation that the vehicle seat should be moved all the way back so that you're far away from the airbag.
[00:27:27] That's a cool hot
[00:27:28] Alyssa: tip to then it gives you more space from the airbag. Yeah,
[00:27:32] Michelle: exactly. Yeah. Because sometimes it is just not possible for our bigger kids when we have to transport younger ones.
[00:27:38] Alyssa: So Michelle asking for a friend, how terrible is it for the passenger of the front seat? That's an adult to put their feet up on the dashboard while somebody's driving.
[00:27:49] That's real. It's okay. All right. Okay. What if it's the comt?
[00:27:54] Michelle: It's so comfy. I used to say like it all the time, and I still have to stop myself so much of the time. I also like to like kick my leg up in the driver's seat. Like my left leg is like kind of Ben. Same girl.
[00:28:04] Alyssa: Same.
[00:28:05] Michelle: No, I mean, it's, we're in the car a lot.
[00:28:07] I like to be comfortable, but, but
[00:28:08] Alyssa: it's very, it's a cost benefit. Analysis is not worth it. Yes.
[00:28:12] Michelle: It's not, it's not worth it. I understand the chances of a crash and, you know. Yeah. But the amount of, um, we're looking at crushed
[00:28:20] Alyssa: legs there.
[00:28:21] Michelle: It, it's crushed legs into the face. Oh
[00:28:25] Alyssa: yeah. Okay. Mm-hmm. You know,
[00:28:25] Michelle: we're, we're slamming back into the body.
[00:28:27] So we're not just dealing with a a leg problem, we're dealing with a face, head, heart.
[00:28:32] Alyssa: I will let my friend know Michelle, about this update. Yes. Like friend that we need to find another see. Bummer for her. Alright, so then when we're looking at this all around, all encompassing, you said you have a comprehensive guide.
[00:28:46] Is it That's true. Are you're creating something? It's coming. We have a
[00:28:49] Michelle: version of it, but um, it is literally being worked on because I'm like, just
[00:28:54] Alyssa: gimme that one stop shop. I even find like picking the right car seat, so overwhelming where I was like, I thought about it for too long and finally was like, I can't look at another car seat and think about this anymore.
[00:29:08] I need a friend of ours years and years ago was getting divorced and he was like. I have a business idea for something called bro decor. It's like, bro, home decor. He is like, I need to like go to this website and it's like comforter red or blue, this couch, this one or this one. And I was like, that's how I feel with car seats.
[00:29:30] Or I'm like, I need to show up onto a space where it's like this one or this one, or if I could put the make and model of my cars in and it's like, and the size of my family and it's like, here's what's best for you. I'm like, give me that tool please, because I just don't wanna think about it. So please tell me you have resources for us.
[00:29:47] We,
[00:29:48] Michelle: we do. We, that's probably the question we get asked the most. What's the best, what's the safest car seat? And I wish I could just be like, it's this one. Yeah, why can't you do that? Because their kids are different. Cars are different, family's needs are different. Urban ci, you know, if you're in a city, if you're in a rural area, if you're like, you have different needs for what you want, it's just like, what's the best pair of jeans?
[00:30:11] Alyssa: Sure. Yeah. I mean for me, Madewell not sponsored. I Madewell jean lip. But
[00:30:19] Michelle: that's because it's specific to you. Correct. And you found the names that work for you? My
[00:30:24] Alyssa: bestie Everlane, yeah.
[00:30:25] Michelle: Yeah. I mean there you have it. Hundred percent.
[00:30:28] Alyssa: No, I, I appreciate that. Okay, so now I think I wanna help y'all create a tool where we can put in our specific information and then it populates the results of,
[00:30:38] Michelle: that's what we have.
[00:30:38] Given the
[00:30:38] Alyssa: information you've popped in, here's the car seats that'll be best for you.
[00:30:42] Michelle: We have that and it's for free.
[00:30:44] Alyssa: Bless. Thank Michelle. Lead with that please. Thank you Barry. In the lead over here.
[00:30:50] Michelle: So we have the car seat finder tool. It took us a year to develop it. Yeah, it's managed every day by a person on the backend because things change constantly in the car seat world.
[00:30:59] Sure. We take you through a series of six questions, just six questions and in five minutes. Um. Give or take. You could obsess over the questions if you want to, but they're pretty straightforward. They're, and then we spit out a list of the recommended seats based on your answers.
[00:31:14] Alyssa: I'm obsessed with you.
[00:31:15] Can you, I need to spread this far and wide. 'cause this is what we all need. Yeah. It's
[00:31:19] Michelle: amazing. It really is an amazing resource. We're very, very proud of it. We're the only ones that have anything like it because we wanted to take that overwhelm away. It's so real. It's incredibly overwhelming. It's overwhelming to manage the tool.
[00:31:32] So just, yeah, I bet. Then being able to, to just narrow things down for you, and the way that the tool works is you can then change the parameters, right? So like you may have said, I want this unicorn seat. And we tell you, as you go through the questions, it, it shows you what you're filtering down. So let's say you start with 150 car seat options and then you click this, um, you know, I want it to be a swivel.
[00:31:56] Okay, now we're down. 10 or whatever it might be, and then you can go back and change those. So you can see how, okay, I wanted a car seat that had cup holders that had a removable washable cover that had flame retardant free fabric, that had swivel that. And it's like, I'm sorry,
[00:32:15] Alyssa: you have run out of options.
[00:32:16] Michelle: Yeah. That doesn't work. But then you can take the things that you're like, all right, I could maybe get away with not having this. Yeah. My
[00:32:22] Alyssa: must haves versus my desires. Yeah.
[00:32:24] Michelle: Yeah.
[00:32:24] Alyssa: Cool.
[00:32:25] Michelle: I don't
[00:32:25] Alyssa: understand the desire for the swivel.
[00:32:29] Michelle: I think the swivel, once you have a swivel or you play with the swivel, you maybe would feel differently.
[00:32:35] Okay. I also. Because it's, what's the advantage? They're your, you're buckling them in sideways instead of kind of reaching around all. Um, so it, it can be very, very helpful for people that are disabled or people that are very short with taller cars.
[00:32:51] Alyssa: That makes sense.
[00:32:52] Michelle: Um, or if you have a real pain in the butt kid to get in.
[00:32:56] Yeah.
[00:32:56] Alyssa: I got, depends on the age, man. Both of mine as one year olds hate getting in the car seat. Yeah. Um, and for both of 'em, it was a phase at one, right? Like Sage hated a car seat. Uh, also his entire infancy, he like barely cried as a young baby, almost never, except in the car where he would scream, cry, and gag.
[00:33:18] Uh, and then we tried all the different things, right? We went from like, maybe instead of a bucket, we'll go to a convertible seat and like, whatever. And I finally was like, turns out it's not the seat kid. A it's the car. Yeah.
[00:33:28] Michelle: Poor. Yeah. But there I was. Uh, my first was also, however, he cried all the time at home as well.
[00:33:37] Alyssa: Mine was like, I can either stay home and things will be really chill or I can get so sweaty while he's scream, crying and gagging for us to, we haven't even pulled outta the driveway.
[00:33:49] Michelle: Right. Yeah. That's, that's a good time for a mom.
[00:33:50] Alyssa: Oh, brutal. And we lived like 20 minutes from anything in anyone, so many 20 minute trips that took so much longer than 20 minutes where I'm like halfway through stopping at this gas station just to help him breathe again.
[00:34:04] Just woo doggy. And then my second, my daughter, the first time she was in a car, she was like two weeks old or whatever, she was a home birth. And so we went to the pediatrician at like two weeks. And I remember we like put her in and we're expecting the like scream, crying gag that we got. And she just fell asleep.
[00:34:23] And then she slept through her doctor appointment and we were like, do we go to. Lunch. Like what? This is awesome. Is this the dream? It's
[00:34:33] Michelle: very similar for me with my daughter too. I was like, the hospital experience was chill. I was like, I'll stay here a couple more days, man. She's sleeping. Most of my son was not the case at all from the time he popped out of my belly.
[00:34:45] Alyssa: Yeah, those they are who they are when they're born, ma'am.
[00:34:49] Michelle: That's for sure. So yeah, swivel can be sure. A convenience factor for a lot of people. I don't think it's not necessary, but it's, it can be a nice to have. And if you do have like a disability or you really are on the shorter side for a lot of people, that's very, very helpful.
[00:35:03] Alyssa: Do you get comments from other adults about your car seat choices? Or even just like them not sitting in the front seat yet of like, oh, you're so anxious, or, why are you so anxious about this? You're so nervous about this or whatever. I, is it ever, I feel like there's, I've witnessed a conversation where.
[00:35:25] The rule followers of this, of the car seat safety are, it's labeled as anxiety.
[00:35:32] Michelle: Yeah. We get some of that. Mm-hmm. Honestly, our community, we, we don't tolerate anybody that comes on or like shames or judges. There's not Yeah. Solid a warning. You just get blocked, like, that's it. You don't come here to make people feel bad.
[00:35:46] That's not our intent, which is I think one of the reasons we kind of are different than some of others.
[00:35:52] Alyssa: I mean, mostly in the world. Like in the real world.
[00:35:55] Michelle: Yeah.
[00:35:56] Alyssa: Yeah. Like, do you get any of that? Some
[00:35:58] Michelle: family members,
[00:36:00] Alyssa: friends.
[00:36:00] Michelle: Yeah. Or I get people, you know what I get a lot of people don't wanna tell me that their ah,
[00:36:04] Alyssa: sure.
[00:36:05] Michelle: Kids are, you know, sure. They're like, they don't want me to see them with their 10-year-old riding in the front seat. Sure, sure, sure. Or, you know, I'm, I was with a friend and she's like, please don't look at my car seats. I'm like, I'm here as your friend. I'm not. I,
[00:36:20] Alyssa: I get it all the time with kids. They're like, oh, I'm not supposed to say it like this.
[00:36:23] I'm like, ah, yeah, exactly how you say
[00:36:25] Michelle: that. You're like, I'm not checked outta that. I'm not judging you. I'm not, you know, it's a hundred percent I think that I always lean back and like, this is, it's science. You know, it's, yeah. There's, this is very objective of what we should and shouldn't do. So I honestly feel like most people that would make those comments are just not informed.
[00:36:43] Alyssa: Yeah,
[00:36:44] Michelle: totally.
[00:36:44] Alyssa: And.
[00:36:46] Michelle: Either they want to be informed or they don't. And that's their choice as well. Totally.
[00:36:51] Alyssa: Or they're choosing present self versus versus future self. Right. Where they get to do a cost benefit analysis of do I, is this a risk I'm willing to take? Right. You know, and like everyone's gonna have a different risk tolerance and I have family members who were severely injured in a car accident when they, when the kids were young.
[00:37:11] And it's just not a risk I'm willing to take. Right. Yeah. And the other people are gonna have different risk tolerance for it. I'm sure.
[00:37:19] Michelle: I think that's where some of the safe, safer, safest comes into play. Yeah. You know, some out of necessity just based on the car I have or the amount of kids I have, or the budget I have or whatever it might be, and some based on, I feel good enough with how it is right now.
[00:37:32] Yeah. It, this is, this is enough for me based on my risk tolerance. And for me, obviously I'm in the safety world. I don't have risk tolerance. For this. Mm-hmm. But other things I, my son builds with, you know, real tools. Same.
[00:37:47] Alyssa: And he is four.
[00:37:48] Michelle: Yeah.
[00:37:49] Alyssa: He asked for a chainsaw for his next birthday and I was like, I, they don't make a kid size chains.
[00:37:56] He was like, I want a real one, not a pretend one. I was like, yeah, this is gonna have to wait. But yeah, same. It, it's so true. Like I have a risk, this is just a place I have a very low risk tolerance. Uh, and that's gonna come into play for all different people in all different spaces.
[00:38:13] Michelle: I think for this too, I often, you know, my son had a really unexpected uncontrollable accident where a concrete bird bath fell on his head.
[00:38:23] Alyssa: Oh, bless.
[00:38:24] Michelle: Um, oh, I still can't say that. Just with like, without any, I'm sure. Um, he was okay, thank God, but it was very, very scary. Yeah. Obviously his head was swollen. He had, we had to get staples stitch and all the things and. In that moment. This was early on when I was starting Safe in the seat, I was sitting at that hospital bed and blaming myself.
[00:38:43] Of course. Course. Yeah. As was we
[00:38:44] Alyssa: do,
[00:38:45] Michelle: what could I have done differently? I should not have let him go there. Why did I, it was after a hurricane. Why didn't I think about the fact that the ground would be more moist and, and things would be able, I mean, just all the things. Mm-hmm. And I kind of relate that to, if we were in a car crash, there is no reason that any of us should be saying anything other than I did everything I needed to do to keep my kids safe.
[00:39:07] Alyssa: Totally. I did
[00:39:08] Michelle: exactly what I needed to
[00:39:09] Alyssa: do. And for me it's just like statistics of like, they're likely at some point gonna be in some sort of car accident. A hundred, a hundred percent. Yeah. And so doing everything I can do right now feels like the best way to keep them safe in that where like the odds that a concrete bird bath is gonna fall on their head.
[00:39:29] Not a guarantee
[00:39:31] Michelle: car crash. Probably you're Yeah. Guarantee.
[00:39:34] Alyssa: Yeah. And Yeah. No. Oh man, it's so scary. Gosh. I wanna just like bubble 'em up.
[00:39:41] Michelle: Well, and this is something that's like control the controllable, right? Yeah. I feel like there are, so we can't control if they're gonna climb a tree and fall off of it. We can't control if Totally.
[00:39:49] These are, we can teach the basic skills. We can talk to them about making sure they have a way down once they get up. Mm-hmm. All those things. But this. Just like we can't control the other drivers on the road. Yeah. But we can control what happens in our car and it is not that hard. Yeah. And that's the other thing that I think we try to really give the message of, yeah, there's nuances and there's some exceptions, but at the end of the day, put the thing in tight, buckle your kid tight and we're really far down the path of keeping them safe.
[00:40:18] Alyssa: Totally.
[00:40:19] Michelle: Yeah. Let's get the other things that we need done for your specific seat as well, but like if you just think about it, tight car seat, tight kid in car seat, we're moving towards the safer direction
[00:40:29] Alyssa: a hundred percent. You know what that's like. I think a great place to end at of like, if you've got.
[00:40:35] Car seat or attachment of any capacity booster, whatever, in tight. And the kids in tight. We're starting at a really good place. Yeah. That is very uplifting and hopeful. Thank you very much. Be that complicated. Michelle, where can people find you? Learn more about what you've created, what you've got in the works, all that jazz.
[00:40:55] Michelle: So our website is a good hub of all of our information. The car seat finder tool that we talked about is there, as well as some of the, the new resources that we'll be coming out with here really soon. Uh, and then Instagram is the platform that I am the most active on because sometimes I'm scared of the other platform.
[00:41:12] Alyssa: Same dumpster, fire of Facebook sometimes.
[00:41:15] Michelle: Yeah. And uh, and I live, you know, I still am a mom, a single mom with two kids, and you know, yeah, we have some time and resources and energy. So yeah, Instagram is really where the hub of our community is right now.
[00:41:25] Alyssa: Awesome. And that's at safe in this seat. Thank you, Michelle, for joining us.
[00:41:29] Michelle: Thank for having me. Appreciate it.
[00:41:31] Alyssa: Stay tuned after this note from our sponsors. Rach and I will be right back with the breakdown.
[00:41:42] Often when we go to New York, we'll just like stay at my parents the whole week. And it's lovely. It's nice, but there's not a ton of kids stuff to do. And we went to a, like on the way to my parents, which was perfect because it broke up the drive. We went to a wedding and we were like in that town for, we got their Friday night, we left Monday morning.
[00:42:09] The wedding was super fun. Um, kid free. Mm-hmm. And oh, we just like, I danced my face off. Mm-hmm. And we were home in bed before 10 and I was like, this is my dream.
[00:42:20] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:42:22] Alyssa: The dancing, like music, everything ended at nine 30 and I danced. Legit from six 30 to nine 30. Love it. I don't, I like barely stopped. It was so fun.
[00:42:32] Um, and honestly, dance floor wasn't packed, but we were really getting after it. That's never stopped us. No, no. Gonna get after it. I'm like, I have childcare right now and my husband and I can go dance. Let's rock a thousand percent. Um, I did the limbo, so that was the situation. But it was, it was a blast.
[00:42:52] And then we went to my parents and we were there for a couple days and then we did a day in Rochester at Sea Breeze, which is like fun town, splash Town, USA, um, which was Sage always calls, uh, is Fun town, splash Town USA. So do my
[00:43:07] Rachel: kids.
[00:43:09] Alyssa: Really? The whole thing. The whole thing. So good. Uh, it's like a little amusement bark, right?
[00:43:15] So it's not quite like a Six Flags. It's like a watered down six flags, if you will. Yeah. And it was perfect. It. Sie last year, his intro to an amusement park was fun town. And he like went in. He, he always does really well when he is like in a second time of something because he really likes to know what to expect.
[00:43:39] And we, like before Fun town, we looked at pictures, we talked about the rides, all that. But when he experiences it and then he gets to go in still, before we went to Sea Breeze and Rochester, we looked up every single ride. We looked at all of them on the website. We talked about all of them. He like knew what to expect, but he also had that lived experience of fun town.
[00:43:58] Mm-hmm. And he had a blast. It was so sweet. And Mila was in her frigging element. I mean, all her cousins. We had kids from one to 16 there and. There was like enough in the little kitty section, she did this water slide that was really designed for like probably three to seven year olds and she's 18 months and she did it for 90 straight minutes.
[00:44:24] High fiving kids as she walks up the like walkway to like wait, waiting in line and saying hi to every kid. She's by herself. I like, she did not want me to walk with her. After the first couple of times she's walking by herself up this walkway to like get on this water slide, slaying the water side. The whole time she's going down, she's yelling, go Mila, go.
[00:44:43] And like just, I wish I couldn't see that. Oh my god. I like didn't have my phone on me because there's water side and I was like, guy, I wish I could capture this moment. It was so cute. And yeah, then she fell asleep on the way home, just crusted with like ice cream and sprinkles and peanut butter and jelly.
[00:45:02] I changed her like. My parents' house, like, and then transferred her. I just had to change her diaper. I kept her gross clothes on her for bed and I opened her diaper and literally like, bits of food just fell out. And I was like, you're so gross, and I'm just gonna put a new diaper on and put you to bed.
[00:45:20] Rachel: Yeah. Yeah. Sleep. Sleep just trumps everything else at that
[00:45:24] Alyssa: point. Everything, yeah, everything. Um, I, I had a friend when I was younger whose dad was a dentist and he would make them brush their teeth even if like kids fell asleep in the car, he would like bring them in and brush their teeth. And I was thinking of that as she was like crumbly and crusty all over her body.
[00:45:41] And like, her teeth are probably so gross. I'm not brushing them right now. She's so gross right now.
[00:45:47] Rachel: Yeah. We don't do. Unless they're already like stirring, then I'll do their teeth. But if they're like ConEd out, then it's just like, I'm not doing that out
[00:45:55] Alyssa: like a light. I mean, we're not doing this. Yeah. We brushed sage's who was like snoozy, but yeah.
[00:46:00] Uh, yeah. Yeah. It was so fun. And then we had a couple days at my parents. We have July 3rd, fourth, and fifth birthdays in my family. Hmm. And so it's always like a fun B, it's like birthday party after birthday party. We had so much cake. So much cake. Sad. You had a piece of cake for breakfast on Sunday when we left.
[00:46:23] Rachel: It's fine. Oh, I love it. I love having leftover dessert for breakfast, actually, like during Thanksgiving. I'm surprised by that for breakfast. Well, it's terrible for my blood sugar, so I don't do it like regularly, but um, yeah. For like a special occasion. Oh, I love it. Yeah.
[00:46:39] Alyssa: Yeah. Your, your blood sugar's so sensitive and you get so crabby that I'm surprised that it's a move for you.
[00:46:44] It's
[00:46:44] Rachel: so annoying and I'm realizing it's not after this recent bout with, um, dehydration. I also realized that like a lot of times I am thinking I have low blood sugar, but it's actually actually low blood pressure because when I was dehydrated and I was getting my vitals checked, I was like, somebody needs to take my blood sugar.
[00:47:03] I feel really hypoglycemic. My blood sugar was fine, my blood pressure, the bottom number was like 55. And so like, yeah. Anyway, my body's super finicky. Um, so what do you do
[00:47:15] Alyssa: about that?
[00:47:16] Rachel: Well, I've dehydrated, which caused the reason that I drink so much salty water all day long is because it keeps those symptoms at bay.
[00:47:24] Um, so because I was dehydrated and I already struggle with, at baseline, my blood pressure's low and my heart rate's high. Um, mm-hmm. Okay. I just need to really be hydrated basically. I got But wait,
[00:47:39] Alyssa: had my physical, sorry, go ahead.
[00:47:40] Rachel: Okay. I have to tell you one thing, 'cause you're talking about like taking an interceptive kit into a public place.
[00:47:48] We tried to go out to dinner with my sister and her friends who are here from Texas the night before last. And
[00:47:56] Alyssa: like with kids?
[00:47:58] Rachel: Yeah, with Abel. Okay. Anni and all the kids. Um, and there was a smell in the restaurant that Abel didn't like and I couldn't really like, identify what it was. It smelled like a normal restaurant to me.
[00:48:13] He tried to cope with it for a really long time and then at one point just started crying and was like, I need to go home or get some air. And Cody and I had to then take shifts of like who was outside with him versus who was eating. Um, meanwhile, Nora didn't. Identify any smells. Um, so
[00:48:31] Alyssa: it smells great in here.
[00:48:32] I love this, love this. Hang. There's so many people here. This is perfect. Legit. And I
[00:48:38] Rachel: so
[00:48:38] Alyssa: wild. It's so white. So I'm so
[00:48:40] Rachel: glad that I know that that's what's going on because otherwise I would've been like, you're such a pain in the ass. Why can't you just, why can't you just let me eat my meal? Like, why? But I was just like, yeah, yeah.
[00:48:50] It
[00:48:50] Alyssa: smells in here. Like, let's move on. You're gonna be fine. Yeah, exactly. A hundred percent. Yeah. Yes. And I, I was thinking about this actually as we were at Sea Breeze, and I was like, oh, I wanna create some resources in our regulation hub in the portal that are really about like going out into the wild with these different neuro types because it is such a different experience to go out, like wildly different meal involved, no prep.
[00:49:23] Nothing going into nothing about the rides. Again, walking up high fiving, kids chatting, go, doing the whole thing, had the time of her life because of her neurotype. Mm-hmm. In that space, 1-year-old Sage would've been so whelmed by all of it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. He would've
[00:49:46] Rachel: shut
[00:49:46] Alyssa: down. Correct. And had zero fun.
[00:49:50] Mm-hmm. And I was just like, oh man. He is able to have fun in this space now because of all the things that go into getting him there and getting him through it. Right. Like he had so much prep that went into it and we taught even each ride we talked about each ride he wore. Oh my God. Hilarious. Rachel on the log flue, you know.
[00:50:17] You know the log flue ride? Oh yeah. He wore goggles. He wanted to have the snorkel attached to it, and we're like, we don't think you need the snorkel for it. He is, he's walking through the entire amusement park, not just like gets on the ride, puts them on with full mask goggles that like you could attach a snorkel to because he doesn't want water to splash in his eyes.
[00:50:40] Uhhuh. And then his plan was, he doesn't want it to touch his ears either, and so he covered his ears with his hands, but had he tried it with sunglasses the first time and water still got to his eyes. And immediately after, again, because of a lot of tools and prep, he wasn't screaming, sobbing, which is what he would've been.
[00:50:58] But immediately after he said, I don't like that ride. It went right in my face. And I was like, okay. And then we started walking and I was like, you don't have to do it, or we can figure out things to help you enjoy that ride if you liked every part of it except for the end of the water in your face. And he said, I did.
[00:51:14] And we're like, all right, let's see what we have available in like the bag. And we had goggles in there because it, I knew there was like water riots. Yeah. And he doesn't like water in his face. Mm-hmm. So I had packed goggles and I had the like little goggles as well, and he was like, no, I don't want it to go by my, any of my eyes.
[00:51:32] He was worried that this was not gonna cover enough. Sure. Yeah. And so walking through the entire amusement park, it's so good. It was so good. He went on the log bloom three more times, but because he had the goggles to go on, right. Like. There's so much that goes in to navigating the world with a sensory sensitive human.
[00:51:54] And it is, I was like, we need so many more resources in the hub and the portal on just all these different spaces. Like going to the beach, going to amusement park, go into a restaurant like h How do you set your kid up for success? What are tools that are helpful to support them? Yeah, accommodations.
[00:52:13] It's a different beast. It's a, and then we look at, you know, our sensory seekers of like, yeah, what are spaces that might be challenging for them without accommodations and support. Um, and I have a friend who was trying to have a meeting this morning and his six year old's high connection seeking, high movement seeking, she didn't have childcare camp today.
[00:52:31] And he is like at what's end because he's trying to navigate her needs while having a meeting and, oh yeah. So yeah, I was just like, my wheels were spinning about just like resources we can create to support people.
[00:52:45] Rachel: Yeah. And, and helping people recognize like what's happening in a scenario. Um, yes. And I'm like, okay, do I need to bring like essential oils for able to smell the next time we go to a restaurant?
[00:52:57] And like, yeah, just the thought processes and it's just a different beast.
[00:53:06] Alyssa: My mom said my brother when he was younger, he is sensory sensitive. Uh, but obviously they didn't know that. She would just say like, oh, he is got a good sniffer. And he one time went into her purse and took one of those ob tampons, it's like, doesn't have an applicator, and he cut it and cut the string off and put it in his nose because the smell was so strong.
[00:53:30] He needed something to just block the smell.
[00:53:34] Rachel: Abel tried to cope with it for like a solid 25 minutes and then just started crying. Like he was just like, I'm done. I've reached. I can't smell this anymore. Get outta here. The
[00:53:44] Alyssa: smell. He's in a restaurant. There's all the other stimuli going on. There's the, he was tired.
[00:53:50] Yeah. So just tip of the iceberg is like, now also, I can't take this smell.
[00:53:54] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:53:54] Alyssa: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Ooh,
[00:53:58] Rachel: doggie. All right. Who are we chatting about today? Okay. This is, um, car seat safety with Michelle.
[00:54:04] Alyssa: Hmm. Yes, yes, yes. Um, which I feel so strongly about. I'm sure you heard in there. It was really interesting for me to hear.
[00:54:11] I feel like I don't know a lot about, as kids get older, the, like, when did they go to a booster? When can they ride up front? That sort of stuff is really helpful for me to learn.
[00:54:22] Rachel: Same. The other thing that I liked that she talked about was controlling the controllable. Like especially if you have like multiple kids and you don't have the financial resources to say like upgrade your vehicle.
[00:54:36] Right? So then you're limited on how many seats can fit in and what brands can fit in. And I think there can be a lot of financial privilege in the discussions about like optimal car seats and agreed. I think controlling the controllable in your life within your finances and your vehicle. There are really great car seats that don't cost a billion dollars that.
[00:55:03] Can keep your child safe if as long as they're installed correctly and the right size and all that jazz. So I, I really liked that takeaway that she had.
[00:55:12] Alyssa: I also ended up going and like checking out her resource and like finding the car seat that's right for you. And it's incredible. I was like, where has this been?
[00:55:21] Why didn't I know about this? Why isn't it given out at pediatric offices? Like what are we doing? It is so helpful. So I hope people check out that resource of hers. I have so much fear around car stuff. I don't totally know where it comes from other than data and just statistics where like, I'm such a numbers person, I'm such a data person.
[00:55:40] And it data is very helpful for me in feeling safe and comfortable. Where like at some point somebody said something about like airplane anxiety and I was like, oh, but statistically speaking I'm fine. Mm-hmm. And like that works in my brain where I'm like, the numbers are there, but I have a lot of fear around water with kids and I have a lot of fear in cars with kids.
[00:56:03] I was like, yeah, statistically speaking, this is scary. And now like as kids are getting older, looking at like drugs and just, that is a whole like another fear of mine, of like, statistically speaking, this is not safe anymore. Mm-hmm. And I find with car seat stuff, I'm like, I, I've spent a decent amount of time like in my own head about like, what is it?
[00:56:31] Why is it that I feel so scared about this and people around me don't seem to care or it doesn't feel like a big fear for them. And I don't totally know why other than like, yeah, the data looks like it's not great.
[00:56:45] Rachel: Yeah. I mean, I think driving in cars is for a lot of us, the most like risky behavior that we engage in regularly.
[00:56:54] But I think we're almost like a lot of us are desensitized to it because most of us do it every day. And I also feel like. You might, I think for myself, like there's a false sense of control when I'm driving of like, okay, well I'm, I'm driving 'cause I don't like flying, even though the rational part of me is like, it's actually safer than driving.
[00:57:15] Um mm-hmm. Because I don't feel like I have any control over Sure. Situation, but like on the road, you only have control over yourself and you're around so many other drivers and vehicles. Um, I also have like, I'm pretty picky about car seat, not like brand or anything like that, but like mm-hmm. How it's installed and, okay.
[00:57:36] Nora actually stayed at a five point harness because of her weight until she was like seven or eight. Mm-hmm. Whereas like, Abel moved into a booster recently because he, because of his weight, he can. Yeah. Um, plus he's six now, which like, this is. Content warning, this is kind of intense, but after age six, the risk of like internal decapitation goes way down for the car accident stuff.
[00:58:05] That's like a big risk for kids below six because of their skeletal development. Um, but yeah, Noni was in, 'cause she was such a peanut, she was in a, she was in a five point harness forever.
[00:58:16] Alyssa: Yeah. Yeah, I could see that with sage. I mean, my, my kids are tall. Um, I come from a tall bloodline, although I did not marry into one.
[00:58:25] Um, but they are both, like, have remained in the 90 plus percentile for height. And so I wonder how that'll just like, shake out with him with car seat stuff. But sage's a little peanut and yeah, he has just like a, he's tall and I built a lot like a blast actually. Like how a lot of like my brothers and I are built or were his kids.
[00:58:51] So I'm curious how that'll kind of shake out with him. I also, I was thinking about this of like, I'm not, I don't have a lot of safety anxiety in general. Like that's not a big anxiety point for me. I feel pretty comfortable with risk of like physical risk. They're gonna climb up this structure, they're playing, climbing up this tree, they're going next door to the neighbors.
[00:59:14] They're going, you know, they're, a lot of the times I can't see Sie when we're outside and playing. He is mm-hmm. From yard to yard and out front out, back out, whatever. And we live in a city and it's a pretty busy spot. And I also, because of who he is, know that if he knows the boundaries of where he can't go, like into the road, he will adhere to those.
[00:59:37] And I, I just don't have a lot of safety anxiety. Mm-hmm. And so it's like interesting for me when it does show up and I'm like, oh. This isn't something I generally experience. Yeah. And it comes in hot. Mm-hmm. I think the control thing is interesting that like, yeah, I think a lot of people do think that they're in control and we are often desensitized.
[01:00:08] I also think, like, I don't think I'm a great driver. I wonder about this with like my proprioceptive sense is low and my awareness is low, and so I have a hard time in general. Like I bump into the couch, I bump into my bed when I'm turning the corner around it so often and I have, I have to like really focus, you know, like where does my car end and the curb begin or the next lane begin?
[01:00:33] It's not something that's super easy for my brain and so I think just like personally, I can obviously drive. I've been doing it for 20 years, but I don't think I feel super confident as a driver.
[01:00:48] Rachel: I feel that, um, I, I have a real issue with curbs. Um, and like when I switched from my CRV to the pilot, the pilot's a lot bigger and I just don't always have that.
[01:01:09] Like it's Cody. Yeah, it's
[01:01:12] Alyssa: like the proprioceptive piece of it, of like, how big is this thing and where does this thing end? And that thing begin. Zach's so good at that Cody, so his proprioceptive sense is very high.
[01:01:22] Rachel: Well, part of Cody's job is teaching law enforcement how to drive their vehicles, like emergency vehicle operations.
[01:01:30] It's called, um, evoc. And so he's like such a good driver. It's so annoying because he always like. If I'm driving, he, I can just like feel, he won't say anything, but I can just like feel that he's evaluating and judging and I'm like, get outta here.
[01:01:50] Alyssa: Sure, sure. I, um, yeah, I, but I think that's part of it for me is that because I don't feel confident and super safe, I'm like, we're not safe here.
[01:02:00] It's really like, you're not safe with me.
[01:02:08] Rachel: Oh, man. Yeah. Well I think, you know, using that car seat resource and making sure that car seats are installed correctly and that they're taking, and I think navigating the
[01:02:20] Alyssa: emotions of it as they get older of like. Yeah. This is how we do this in our family. Like I anticipate that,
[01:02:28] Rachel: oh, we have that like, mom, I don't
[01:02:29] Alyssa: wanna, they don't have to do this.
[01:02:30] They don't have to ride in that. Why do I have to? And they're like, it not being cool thing.
[01:02:36] Rachel: Oh, totally. Yeah. Those safety boundaries. They can be a real pain in the butt. They're so not cool. They're not cool at all.
[01:02:43] Alyssa: Yeah. I had a, a flash to a conversation I overheard recently of a parent saying to, um, a like tween.
[01:02:54] Like she was complaining that like, that was not gonna be cool. And uh, the parent was like, I love you and my job is not to make sure that you're cool uhhuh, it's to make sure that you're alive. And it was 0% depreciated on the tween end, but I was like, yeah, it's true.
[01:03:12] Rachel: Yeah, I'm, I'm in that right now. That's Nora.
[01:03:18] Alyssa: Yeah, for sure. Oh, she's prime age and development for it. Oh wow.
[01:03:26] Rachel: And you're pretty cool. Um, I know, and the other thing is that, um, I know, I mean, for a mom, I'm a cool mom. Okay. Um, I don't think I'm like cool probably to like people who don't have kids, but I feel like I'm a cool mom. Um, but she, and I can't like tell her this 'cause I don't wanna affect her confidence at all.
[01:03:49] But like lately she's doing these little dances that she's making up with her friends, but she's doing them constantly, like through the grocery store. And there's part of me that's just like, it was probably
[01:04:00] Alyssa: so you though as a kid too.
[01:04:02] Rachel: 100%. But I'm just like, this is so cringe. Like this is so cringe.
[01:04:09] 'cause she's even like counting it out before she starts like super loud, 5, 6, 7, 8. And Abel and I are both like, are you kidding me?
[01:04:18] Alyssa: So good. Um, because she's so socially aware that it like is almost, I'm glad she's doing this because it really is like butting up against that like embarra embarrassment
[01:04:33] Rachel: fear.
[01:04:33] Yeah. I know. That's why, that's why I am not telling her that it's cringe. I also won't tell her I'm team not teller. Yeah. Let's just not love. Um, but then when she tries to tell me that I'm not cool, I'm like, ma'am. I feel like you wanna know. It's not cool my friend.
[01:04:52] Alyssa: I've got not cool examples for you.
[01:04:57] Rachel: Oh man.
[01:04:57] Instead I'm just like, it's not my goal for you to think that I'm cool.
[01:05:01] Alyssa: Yeah.
[01:05:01] Rachel: And then she's like, it's not my goal for you to think that I'm cool. She just like parrots it back to me.
[01:05:08] Alyssa: So good. Which also I could hear your husband doing for the record. Oh, for sure. Yeah. No, I love it. I love it. And that actually just reminded me of a part of big kids.
[01:05:24] Uh. Where when I was, because I recently read the audiobook. So all of this feels so fresh for me right now, and there's a part in big kids, bigger feelings where this child's being like defiant. And we share this story of the defiance and there's like the sass and the slamming of the door. And I think so often in those moments for us, we're like over my dead body, you will not speak to me like that.
[01:05:47] No, you will not get sassy with me. And we wanna shut that down right in the moment. And we talk about this in the book of like how to actually handle that and navigate it for long-term behavior change and success and for success in your relationship. Because really our instincts in those moments often are not gonna serve us in our relationship with the child in the long term.
[01:06:09] And we can still hold boundaries and we can still be like. That's not an okay way. Like you can't slam a door or you can't throw this thing or whatever in our household. But the like, when to have that conversation and how I think we do an awesome job in big kids, bigger feelings of like going into and really outlining that.
[01:06:28] Just so huge in that like five to 12-year-old range. So just a little to that as you were talking. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, good job Us, we wrote a really good piece here. This is really helpful.
[01:06:41] Rachel: I know when I, I read it, I read through the book recently as I was working on the book guides that we're creating and I hadn't been in the book for a long time, so it was like kind of reading it fresh and I was like, oh, this is, this is a good book.
[01:06:55] It was like, I dunno why it, like you wrote a good book. I like felt surprised. Like
[01:07:01] Alyssa: what? Oh my gosh. Because when you get out of the book, it's like. I don't know. I just like forget pieces of it and we're, we're working right? Totally. We're doing other work. It's my brain lives in other spaces.
[01:07:13] Rachel: Our most recent engagement with the book was like edits where I was really looking at it with like a critical eye, right?
[01:07:19] Yes. So then to go through with just like a fresh eye and I was like, no, this low key slaves, like I Yeah. Hundred percent proud of it. Yeah, same.
[01:07:28] Alyssa: Yeah. There is one piece where we, and this was simply an error on our end where we said neurodiverse instead of neurodivergent. We said it twice and I said it correctly in the audiobook and I reached out to the publisher and they're gonna do it.
[01:07:43] The next printing, Ron, they'll update it, but it was already sent to the printer this time. Ah, I saw that. Especially having neurodivergent child. I was like, that was a silly mistake on our end.
[01:07:54] Rachel: I know. Um,
[01:07:55] Alyssa: but that will be corrected and I also had to like lean into the like Yeah. Perfectionism isn't real, my friend.
[01:08:02] That's right. We will correct this moving forward. The first. 12,000 books. We'll have the wrong word in it twice. Not the audio book, but who's counting? If we were counting about the first 12,000?
[01:08:20] Uh, but you can play a game if you're tuning in of like find where we wrote Neurodiverse instead of neurodivergent twice.
[01:08:29] Rachel: That's
[01:08:29] Alyssa: a great, you can cross it out in your own book and write. Correct it correctly. Yep. Play that game. All right. Head on over to snag Michelle's resources on car seats because she's got tons of them and so much guidance.
[01:08:46] It's so helpful. It is statistically and not the safest place for us. So when we can enhance that safety with a car seat, it can go such a long way. Truly lifesaving. Thanks for tuning in to Voices of Your Village. Check out the transcript at Voices of Your Village Dot. Did you know that we have a special community over on Instagram hanging out every day with more free content?
[01:09:11] Come join us at seed dot and dot. So SEW take a screenshot of you tuning in. Share it on the gram and tag seed. Dot and dot. So to let me know your key takeaway, if you're digging this podcast, make sure to subscribe so you don't miss an episode. We love collaborating with you to raise emotionally intelligent humans.
