One of the biggest challenges of parenting young children is navigating their intense need for autonomy and independence. Often this leads to power struggles where we find ourselves putting more and more pressure on the child to comply, and in turn they push harder and harder against us.
When we can move away from focusing on compliance and move towards connection, understanding, and collaboration, we can put the power struggles to bed.
Choice theory outlines two options and the key is that neither of them is punishment. The adult setting the boundary has to be okay with both choices so you don’t end up mad if your child doesn’t choose the one you wanted.
This might sound...
We’ve all been there. The stresses of adult life seem to be piling one on top of another. The laundry is piling up, you’re about to miss a work deadline and you’re barely going to have dinner on the table before bedtime. You manage to get dinner on the table and go to round up your family, only to discover that your kiddo has knocked over a plant and there is dirt all over the carpet. The carpet that you just vacuumed yesterday, after everyone was in bed, before you collapsed on the couch, completely spent. And in the scheme of things, you know that this isn’t a huge deal. It’s par for the course with young kids. But still, in this moment, it feels...
"You know, that that a father's supposed to be and this is what I'm supposed to do. Well, then, you know, that was all based. A lot of it was fear-based for me, right?"
"I was fearful, I felt insecure about parenting that way sometimes, I felt like it was inadequate."
"And again, they're resilient. They're more resilient than we are, sometimes."
"Those are big things that just started to change the landscape for us."
"Let's try to figure out what's going on here so that I can help you to build your...
"Literally our only job to keep them off the bench. The only thing we have to do, the only requirement is practice. That's it."
"Even though I am very intentional about, not projecting that. It still comes up."
"Something's up and we're going to have to, we would be better trying to work that out in practice, then trying to do it right now."
"Slowly going down that emotional ladder with her. She was slowly coming down. But in my mind, I was like, I'm tired as hell."
"We want to be...
"You know, it's a parent's natural instinct to want to talk to them. Like, what's wrong, what's wrong talk to us?"
"I think it's important for me to remember to have that same expectation of communication for myself towards the kids too."
"You know, the internet and social media. There's just so much information. coming in."
"We want to teach her that she can't just physically express her frustration."
"That translates to love for others as s well her confidence in herself and her love for herself."
"Like as soon as our adrenaline is activated or cortisol spikes. It's really hard to be a respectful parent."
"And I think I've been because I have to spend so much time resting. I've like been training for this my whole life."
"Verbal redirection is not all that effective when they're flooded."
"And his sensory needs became more than just touching me. Then it became much harder."
"And I guess it's giving myself enough compassion to believe that that is louder deep in him than the...
"Where did it come from? Do they come from the expectations that my parents had about me?"
"That mistakes are not a reflection of my character. "
"They're not giving us a hard time. They're having a hard time themselves."
"So, mom guilt is always there. But what do you do with that mom guilt?"
"And that's the fruit of the work. I've been doing with him for the last five years. "
Hey there. I'm Alyssa Blask Campbell. I'm a mom with a Master's degree in Early...
"They are going to feel, even if they don't know consciously, they're going to feel you're not at peace with this and ready to say sorry for it."
"I've done all the things, it doesn't matter, he doesn't care about my respectful parenting. He's going to have a meltdown no matter what."
"Okay, and my energy's where, you know, I'm winding down. I got five more minutes left in me. And then I'm going to go have some me time."
"I'm just supposed to like, keep getting up every day, keep taking my kids to school."
"It was a human guttural reaction from a black parent surrounded by non-Black families."
"The things we have to think about, that being one of maybe like five Brown families in a school of probably 800 families."
"And it got to the point, I'm a yeller...ugh, I'm a yeller. I said it, and I'll own it, and I'm working on it"
"Because if you push too hard, it's very different than your friend pushing too hard."
"While I don't always see the behavior immediately, the times that I do are just really cool."
"It's important to have the end game in mind like, why am I doing what I'm doing? And that's I'm looking to raise adults."
"Like they're young. And these behaviors won't translate into adulthood."
"It's not just my kids like it's all my relationships. So it's my marriage, my friendships."
"It's a pretty phenomenal movement, and the future is emotionally intelligent, and I see it manifesting."
"It sucks that I'm in my 30s, and just now learning this. I'm glad I'm learning it at 30 and not at 50 or 60 or 80."